you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
