I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
