so explain again why im purple
no
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
