I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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