I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
