i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
