the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
