im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
