3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
