Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
