Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
