theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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