I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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