You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
