I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
