you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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