Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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