Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
