the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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