I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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