.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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