dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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