Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
