So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
