his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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