I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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