i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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