Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
