yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
