new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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