I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
