I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
