i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
