We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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