I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
