Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
