chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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