when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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