I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
