dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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