dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I touched a dick in church today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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