Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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