There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
