Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
People in love make me want to vomit
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
