I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
