If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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