I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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