apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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