Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
