How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
