she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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