I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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