god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
