Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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