I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
