Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
