She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
