I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
