I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
