Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
