some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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