I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
